My Journey to Here
From my late teens to my mid-twenties I was at rock bottom. Despite my young age I didn’t know if I was among the living or the dead. Hypochondria, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic attacks, depression, and mental illness shaped the contours of my life. Bedridden and taking nearly a dozen psychotropic drugs a day, I was incapable of leading a normal life.
I still remember the despair I felt wondering whether happiness would elude me for the rest of my days. Joyful feelings, delight, any sense of fun at all—these emotions were alien to me. Getting through even a single day was so difficult and painful that all I thought about was how much easier it would be to die. Once, when my suicidal thoughts were at their worst, I opened up to my mother, crying. I didn’t want to tell the woman who had given me life that all I wanted was to die, and doing so filled me with remorse, but I was desperate. Unable to process what was going on in my psyche, I felt that I had reached a point of no return.
Because of my depression, and the load of psychotropics in my system, my cognitive functions were severely compromised during the first half of my twenties. My speech was slurred, I was unable to think rationally or convey my thoughts clearly, I had little recall, and was unable to process what others were saying. I was on welfare and only just managing to get by. Turning 20 in Japan is normally a time when we celebrate entry into adulthood. My greatest aspiration back then was to become well enough to feel joy and to be able to laugh again.
I saw a psychiatrist for more than eight years. Over that time I met many people and was blessed with new connections that helped to broaden my views. My own perspective on things began to shift. As I learned how to face myself on a deeper level and acquired key skills for inner transformation, I gradually healed my soul, mind, and body. “Where the attention goes, energy flows,” it is said. I experienced firsthand that when you change your thoughts, you can change yourself, and can then set about changing your life. At the age of 26 I was weaned off the pharmacological cocktail on which my system had depended for so long. My doctor gave me a clean bill of health, pronouncing me in full remission. Overcoming mental illness gave me unshakable self-confidence. I knew more joy, more satisfaction, more happiness than I had ever known before. My life of living authentically had begun.
From someone who had barely been able to function in his native tongue of Japanese I became fluent in English and able to travel the world. I studied hotel management at a leading hospitality school in Switzerland and was hired in the US as a management trainee. At the age of 28 I was recruited to join the opening team of a leading luxury hotel in a managerial position; two years later I was promoted to front office manager. In this leadership role I initiated workplace improvements and contributed to operational reforms in the Rooms division, and received an employees’ award for best manager.
Who, least of all me, could have imagined that any of this was possible four short years after my recovery?
There is no doubt that the joy I now embrace in life stems directly from having had to face myself at rock bottom. The eight years I spent reassessing my life—relearning, even, what it means to be alive—are a priceless treasure for which I am so grateful. I learned that the difficulties and obstacles we face are neither setbacks nor something to feel ashamed about. Our lived experience—all of it—can be our greatest fortune. It is a badge we can wear with pride.
At the age of 20 my goal was to be able to laugh again. Now it’s to speak up and stand up as a motivational speaker dedicated to helping others who are troubled by mental illness. To show, with full transparency, how I transformed my eight-year struggle into a life that’s filled with opportunity, with active engagement, and with the desire to help others, anywhere, feel and connect with their own inner joy and sense of worth. My dream today is to plant seeds of inspiration for as many individuals as I can reach.
I have come this far. I am certain that you can overcome your challenges, too.
Most importantly, my deepest wish is that no one ever feel so driven to the edge as to consider giving up on life. If you find yourself sometimes caught up in a darkness that can seem all-consuming, I hope that my offerings might serve as even the faintest point of light.
Life is beautiful. Hidden within our challenges lie the tools and wisdom we need to shift our perspective and see the vast opportunities available to each of us. I am as eager to hear about your journey toward wellness as I am to share mine. Let’s learn together. Let’s thrive together—it’s time.